Saturday, 18 April 2015

The inconsistent insomniac

Let me be honest with you. About the title, I looked through a thesaurus to find out synonyms which go well with the word 'insomniac' but I chose the one above because of the alliteration. The title may not make sense now but if you read on, you will know why I chose this particular title with a happy coincidence of an alliteration.

I have this disease, a disorder or whatever psychological term you can call it. Lately, it has been more evident to me. For a long time, I knew something was up with me. It is just recently I have discovered this. It is who I am and the choices I make. Maybe it involves genes too. It may be socially unacceptable but I guess I have to eventually come out of the closet. That is the hardest thing you know. The society is not so open minded and I fear that they will not accept me. Coming out, accepting oneself and hoping the society will accept me for who I am is the hardest thing to achieve. So I feel it is better to do it now rather than later. If I come out in my blog post, then I guess it will not explode out of control so much so that I wouldn't regret coming out. So I decided to do it here. It has been a difficult few years until i realized that it was no use to keep bottling it up. So here it is. I have decided to come out.  I am not human. I am an owl.(what else did you think, reader?). I am insomniac.

For a long time, I knew that I was nocturnal. I just discovered myself lately and found out that I cannot sleep like any other normal human being. Staying awake is part of my lifestyle now. Blame it on the stressful engineering life or the evolved owl life. I feel it is unnatural. So I am working on becoming more human. Owl life gets boring you know.

I would be cheating if I told you that I am a complete insomniac. Ignore the above sentences and read the following ones. I am a human after all and I need sleep. Humans spend about 1/3rd of their lives sleeping and it is impossible for any normal human being to survive without sleep continuously. So I manage to get some amount of sleep everyday. But it has been inconsistent. My sleep cycles are terribly imbalanced and that is affecting my lifestyle. I am trying to bring back some balance into it but it will take time. Meanwhile, another sleepless Saturday night going into Sunday morning, I made use of my time effectively by studying for an important aerodynamics exam on Monday. I decided to write this because my brain fell asleep after studying for 3 hours continuously. I needed a break from this madness and I find solitude in my blog. I find solitude in my laptop and writing something brings me peace. Also, this period of time from 2.00 am to 6.00 am is my favourite time to do productive things because of the eternal silence and zero distractions. I imagine myself the king of the world while the other "mediocre" human beings sleep, I conquer the world in my mind. I have the freedom to do my work continuously and I love the solitude around me.

You may think I am retarded for writing this post. However condescending your thoughts are I urge you to write them down below in the comments. I would like to know the intensity of my madness through another's perspective. I will take your leave now to satisfy the basic human need to eat and I will try to avail some part of that lifetime card which wastes 1/3rd of my life. I curse the person who invented this concept of human needs.  

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